Inside biniBningPunkista's head.

Forewords:

Ikuta Toma- a high school student with hidden feelings for a lovely girl who is way out of his league.

Yu Aoi- a transfer student trying to fit in and come into terms with her feelings.

Inoue Mao- the girl next door with a tomboyish attitude and a façade she built for her friend.

Three people drawn together by circumstances in life...
two confessions, one fall back and a twist.

A story depicted from life, love and the in between.
When love doesn’t make its cut and when a life depends on another, then things may never be the same as it was before.
This is what happens when a person wants to become more than friends.

Chapter 1 - To them who's been oblivious

"I know we're just friends but I need us to be more than that..." Toma repeated those words in front of the mirror for the millionth time when the door to his room suddenly opened. Toma’s head turned sharply to look at the person invading his room.

“Well??? How do I look?” Inoue Mao, the girl who lived next door twirled around in front of him in her spaghetti strapped pale rose pink colored dress which stops just below the knee.

Toma was taken aback at the sight of her looking like that but he deliberately ignored her presence and looked back at the mirror to fix his hair. Then he turned to look at her and twirled exactly the same way she did a few seconds ago.

“Well? How do I look?” Toma asked Mao as he imitated her voice earlier while acting girly just like her.

Suddenly a pillow went flying in front of his face and smacked him right on.

“Ouch! That hurt!” He told her while rubbing his nose pretending that it really hurt.

“Oh don’t be such a sissy Toma!!! That serves you right for mimicking me.” Mao stuck her tongue out at him.

“Oh really? What if I throw this to your face?” he was getting ready to smack her with the pillow when his mother entered the room.

“Toma, what are you doing? You’ve got to remember you and Mao are both in High school now. No more playing rough on each other, treat her like a lady.” She reprimanded him in a mild but stern tone then handed Mao a box.

“Here child, give this to your mother and tell her I said hi.”

Mrs. Ikuta has always been soft with Mao because she never had a daughter in the first place. Having five sons have kept her pretty busy most of the time. Ever since the Inoue family moved right next to them and befriended one of her sons, her character seemed to lighten up a bit with the prospect of always having a girl in their house. What she never knew was that the only daughter of the Inoue’s was more like a boy than a girl.

Toma’s mother was about to turn and leave the room when she suddenly remembered something. Turning back at them she looked at her watch.

“Wait a second… shouldn’t the two of you get going? It’s getting dark and your friend must be waiting for you now.”

Mao’s hand went to her cheeks, “Oh no! We are going to run late if we don’t hurry up. Come on Toma!!!” she grabbed his arm and they both dashed out of the room.

“I’ll see you later mom.” Toma called out to her as they descended the stairs.



Chapter 2 - Tears on a pretty face

While driving on the road Toma snuck a glance at Mao as she looked out of the window and her hair was blowing behind her back.

“You do look pretty tonight Inoue.”

She looked at him sideways and smiled nonchalantly then said, “you don’t look bad yourself Mr. Ikuta Toma,” after saying this she looked out of the window and hummed the Renai Shashin song by Ai Otsuka that’s being played on the radio. It never occurred to him that Mao was capable of looking like a girl because she does look exceptionally pretty tonight. Far from that boyish look she’s been sporting at school.

A few minutes later they where in front of a mansion, with gates wide open and dozens of lights outside. They parked the car and climbed off to look around.

“I never thought that Yu Aoi lived in a house like this…” Mao exclaimed which made him gulp.

“What now?” He unconsciously said loudly to himself.

“Eh? What do you mean by what now?” She asked him curiously.

As if snapping out of a trance he looked around then at Mao.

“It’s nothing.” He walked ahead of her towards the house as she jogged on her heel clad feet to catch up with him.

“Wait! But you just said…” her voice trailed off as they both saw Aoi walking towards them.

“God she’s so beautiful…” Toma said to himself as she gracefully walked closer to them with her long silver dress that looked good on her skin and made her glow that evening.

“Thank you for coming!” Aoi took his hand which made him feel like floating in the air when he realized that she also took Mao’s hand much to his disappointment, but being held by her was already something special.

They were led to the garden where the party was being held. As they walked along the side of the house with Aoi, the place seemed to be like a fairy tale book description. If their first impression of the house was big, it was way huge beyond their expectation.

“So this is where a heiress lives…” Toma muttered to himself in a low voice.

“Well here we are, I thought you weren’t coming.” Aoi pouted specifically Toma which made his stomach do summersaults that made him a bit squishy inside.

“Aoi-san…” Mao’s interjected to reason out why they were late.

“What’s with the formality Mao? Please, just call me Aoi.” She smiled brightly at both of them.

“Aoi.” Toma practiced it out loud to test how it would sound.
Even the tone of her name sounds wonderful as he spoke it out loud.
When he said this she gave a small giggle of delight.

“Now that wasn’t hard was it?” She was chuckling when a sudden gush of wind passed by and blew her hair to her lovely face that he instinctively brushed it away without thinking.

“Thanks.” Aoi blushed a bit that made him a bit uneasy but thanks to Mao the moment of awkwardness was forgotten.

“Happy Birthday Aoi.” Mao blurted out as if forcing the name out of her mouth. It wasn’t easy for her to say names informally especially to someone she just got acquainted with.

“Thanks, I know you must be hungry. Let’s go to the buffet table and grab some food.” She walked ahead to lead the way.

After a few hours of eating, partying and making friends with these rich people, Toma was getting tired of giving a fake smile to everyone since he wasn’t really used to partying around like this. It was much better if this was a beach party or a small gathering where he would be able to get closer to Aoi and see her more, but since she’s the host and the celebrant he wasn’t even able to see a glimpse of her after getting food at the buffet table. He sighed to himself as he looked for a place in that huge garden where there were no people, that’s when he saw an empty green house at the east corner of the garden. Slowly he walked towards it to look around and enjoy his time of being alone.

As soon as he entered the green house, he heard a muffled cry. This startled him a bit which made him walk cautiously to follow where the cry is coming from. That’s when he saw Aoi in the middle of the green house squatting and muffling her cries in her arms.

“Aoi-sa… Aoi?” He asked half embarrassed that he saw her in her private moment crying her heart out.

Aoi sniffed and wiped her face and looked at him then gave a sad smile.

“I’m sorry you had to see this… it’s just that… today… is also my dad’s one year death anniversary that I couldn’t be really happy for my 16th birthday. I really miss my dad so much.” With a pained look on her face tears streamed down her cheeks once more that he couldn’t help but squat in front of her to wipe those tears away.

“I’m sorry I had to see you like this, I don’t even have a handkerchief to give, but please let me wipe those tears away for you instead. That’s the least I could do.” Aoi nodded at him through her tears. In silence they looked at each other as Toma continued to wipe her tears away.


Chapter 3 - Clueless

“Why are you wearing that to school? I thought you’ve changed into a lady since Aoi’s party last night.” Toma asked Mao as they walked the paved pathway towards their school.

Today she was wearing a very loose pair of pants, her all time vans sneakers, a shirt that says “You Suck… Please let me kill you.” in bright red letters. A grey bonnet was on her head yet again to hide her luscious hair.

Mao honestly thought she looked lovely last night during Aoi’s birthday party, it was a drastic change from her usual clothes like today. Last night she thought Toma was finally seeing her differently but it was all just in her head because as soon as he saw Aoi, he immediately forgot that she existed. Accompanying Toma to Aoi’s party was a bad idea in the first place. She should have just stayed at home and watched her blood shedding dvd’s instead of playing dress up. At least she would have been spared from the drama she had to witness at that solitary moment Toma and Aoi had inside the green house.

“So were you able to confess?” Mao asked timidly not answering his previous question. This question made Toma stumble on his own foot.

“Wha… what confession are you talking about?” He stammered and made an innocent look as he tried to regain his balance. She didn’t even bother to look at him because she knew what was really inside his head.

“Oh come on Toma. Don’t act like you never planned to make a confession that night, I have been standing outside of your room yesterday for almost an hour just waiting for you to get a grip of yourself. You’ve been saying this line over and over again- I know we're just friends but I need us to be more than that…” she mimicked him.

“So how did it go?” she asked once again as she lowered her head to look at her shuffling feet.

“Ummm… I never knew you were that observant.” He told her lamely.

“Are you stupid? I’ve been your neighbor and closest friend since grade school, don’t you think I would notice that? Since the day that we’ve met Aoi she’s all you’ve been talking about.” There was a tone in her voice that he couldn’t quite grasp.

“So how did it go?” She asked for the third time in an annoyed tone.

“What is it with you anyway? The confession has nothing to do with you.” He told her dryly.

“Fine! See if I care to see your heart broken by a rich princess like her.” She coldly looked at him while saying this with tightness in her voice. Then she proceeded to jog off ahead but he immediately grabbed her arm.

“It didn’t happen.” He told her quietly but she just looked at him.

“What I mean was that the confession didn’t happen. That night, I just stayed with her inside the green house.” He started scratching his head exasperatedly.

“I knew you were there.” She shrugged off his arm away from her and walked off.

“Yes, we were… WHAT??? You knew we were there?” His eyes went big when he realized what she just told him.

“How come you’re always at the wrong places at the wrong time?” He asked after her.

Slowly she turned around to face him and raised her shoulders in front of him then she pulled her bonnet lower to her ears and said, “I was not at the wrong place at the wrong time, I was exactly at the right place at the right time.” She smirked at him and pulled her sling bag tighter to her body and trudged on leaving him behind.

When they both got into school, Mao walked quietly inside the classroom and slouched in the seat at the very back of the room while Toma took a chair right at the middle just behind the chair where Aoi usually sat. A few seconds later Aoi walked-in gracefully with her yellow flower printed dress and a big bag that matched her shoes and headband. Toma couldn’t help but stare at her in awe.

As Mao looked from afar she abrupty sat right up when she saw that Aoi took an empty seat next to Toma.

“Good morning Toma.” She heard Aoi say to him while he shifted slightly in his sit to face her.

Seeing this sight made her nauseous. Toma acts really stupid and giddy around girls that he liked which is down right annoying. Adding to it the fact that Aoi’s smile could make a thousand boys at school stare at her doesn’t even help. Not only is she an heiress but she’s down right an eye catcher. There was nothing she can do about it. A normal girl like her could never compete with the likes of Yu Aoi. Of all the people she can get close to, why her and Toma? She badly wanted to hate Aoi, but she can’t. There was nothing to hate about her… she’s just too nice and she’s also become a friend.

Mao slouched back to her seat and brought her bonnet lower to her eyes to cover the scene in front of her.

“I really need to get a life.” She whispered softly to herself not noticing that a classmate was intently looking at her.



Chapter 4 - The confession… almost.

“Toma-kun, are you heading for lunch?” Aoi asked as soon as the bell rung out.

“Yeah… I was ummm… going to have lunch with Mao.” Toma said reluctantly.

“Oh… I see. I guess I’ll just head off to the cafeteria then.” She told him looking a bit disappointed.

After last night, she felt a need to be around Toma more. The first time she actually met Toma was a month ago when she got transferred to Eitoku high school. It was a non sectarian school which allows their students not to wear uniforms. It was her idea to have a new school environment that she eventually realized that it was hard for her to adjust until she got to know Toma and Mao. It was also a school practice that if a new student transfers a student host will be accompanying that certain transferee around the school for a week. That’s when Toma came into the picture. He was the assigned student host during that time, they both got to know each other and he introduced her to Mao.

Knowing the two of them was actually good for her, she enjoyed both of their company, but she was also afraid that if they knew she was an heiress they would start looking at her differently. It was not long that her secret identity was revealed when Mao accidentally found out in a business news paper that the Yu’s owned several prestigious company in the country and not only that, her dad died from a car accident a year ago and named those companies after her. Luckily Mao was a good friend of Toma’s that she was able to keep it to herself and not tell it to the whole school. She thought middle class people have always been opportunistic when it comes to rich people like her, it was nice to be proved wrong for once.

“Aoi, you could join us if you like.” Toma smiled at her as he pointed his thumb towards the cafeteria’s direction.

“I would love that.” She smiled brightly at him when she noticed that Mao was approaching them while slinging her bag lazily over her shoulder.

“Oh… there you are Toma. Hello Aoi, where are you guys heading to?” Mao asked as she approached the two of them.

“Toma-kun just asked me to eat lunch with you guys.” She said while barely noticing a small change in Mao’s facial expression.

“Ah… but I’m not eating at the cafeteria. Haven’t I told you about that earlier Toma? I’m going to the library to catch up on some homework. Oh, and about hanging out at the park for the composing thing, I’ve got to call on a rain check for that one too. Something came up with the school project that I had to work on it after school.” She said all this whie walking backwards to the opposite direction.

“So… I’ll see you guys around.” Mao called out while raising her left hand to give a quick sign of good bye then disappeared in a corner.

“That’s weird… she never does homework on a lunch time.” Toma muttered curiously.

“Maybe it’s a really important homework?” She suggested to him to divert his thoughts from thinking about it too much.

“Probably…” He said with uncertainty.

When they were looking for a sit in the cafeteria that lunch time, everyone was looking at the two of them which made her uncomfortable.

“Ummm… Toma…” She started out.

“I think it’s better if we sit outside.” Toma suggested.

“That’s a really great idea.” She sighed with relief at this.

They sat under a tree as they ate their lunch. As she bit into her sandwich she was wondering why a lot of people have been staring at her lately.

“Have you noticed that people have been staring at us lately? Or more likely they’re staring at me.” She said nonchalantly as if it was normal. Toma continued on eating his own sandwich silently.

“Earth to Toma-kun…?” She looked at him sideways then Toma dropped his sandwich on the tray and swallowed loudly.

“I have something to tell you Aoi…” He started on a really low tone that she could barely hear.

“Excuse me? What were you saying just now?” she asked crinkling her forehead intent on listening to what he’s going to say.

“It’s that… I know we're just friends but…” His voice trailed as his eyes wondered at the school roof top. This made her look at the same direction and saw that there were visible figures there. Unmistakable it was Mao because of that distinct bonnet on her head and… Ryo? Nishikido Ryo? He was their classmate. It also seems like they were both arguing.

“Isn’t that Mao? With Nishikado Ryo?! You mentioned to me that Ryo’s the class bad boy if I’m not mistaken. Am right?” When she turned to face Toma, he was already standing and with out warning he abruptly ran towards the school building leaving her all alone.




Chapter 5 - Head rush

“What the hell is Ryo trying to do with Mao???” Toma said to himself as he ran as fast as he could to the roof top of their school, worried that the guy was up to something. When he finally reached the rooftop he was out of breath and was panting hard, then he hurriedly opened the door to see the sight of Ryo hugging Mao. This sight made his adrenaline rush that he instinctively lunged toward Ryo and gave him a punch in the face.

“What are you doing?!?” He furiously shouted at Ryo while putting Mao behind his back protectively.

Ryo wiped a blood that appeared on his lips as he looked intently at Toma with a rather blank expression after what just happened.

“Mao, do punches come with the package to being his friend?” Ryo asked Mao, looking past him as if he wasn’t there and to make matters worse Mao walked over to Ryo and held his face.

“Are you alright?” She took out a tissue from her pocket and dabbed it on Ryo’s lips then she gave him a bewildered look.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” She asked him harshly which took him by surprise.

“I thought… I saw you two arguing and assumed he was doing something wrong. So I came to look out for you. Weren’t he just harassing you awhile ago?” Toma reasoned out to her.

“God, Toma… the things that you see does not always seem what it is. You’ve always had your own way of thinking that you tend to assume things. Just go away. Please. Go away. Leave us alone.” Mao told him while turning back looking disgusted to even face him.

Her words were like a blow to his face which is harder to accept than the physical one that Ryo just received from him. Was he that prejudiced and judgmental to be told like that by Mao? What hurt more was how she took care of Ryo instead of understanding the fact that he was there to protect her. What’s wrong with this picture?

He walked out of the roof top feeling light headed with humiliation. As soon as he stepped to the stairs Aoi run towards him.

“What happened?” Aoi asked worriedly.

“Nothing. It was all a misunderstanding, that’s all.” He lied.

“Your hand. It’s bleeding.” Her eyes went big as she saw his knuckles red and bleeding. He didn’t notice that it hurt until he saw it, by then Aoi had a handkerchief taken out of her bag and tied it around Toma’s hand. He was deeply grateful for this but it was not enough to lighten up his mood.



Chapter 6 - The other part of the story

“Ryo, just go. I don’t need consolations you know. I’m stronger than what you think.” Mao told Ryo as she looked out to the sky.

“Yeah right. That’s why you always come to the roof top and rant your brains out to the wind which unfortunately comes in the way of my smoking time.” Ryo commented bluntly at her.

“The roof top is not your own private getaway. It’s school property and besides you’ll get into trouble if they catch you smoking.” She told him with an eye brow raised at him as he walked near her.

“Who cares? I have been branded as the bad boy anyway. It won’t make any difference.” He shrugged at her.

“That’s not what your eyes say, Ryo. Why are you making everyone believe that you’re someone you’re not?” She pointed her finger directly at him. He put his hand to his chest to answer her.

“Me? Because it’s much easier like that. To make everyone believe that nothing really matters, even hiding the fact that falling for a friend is nothing at all.” He told her while slyly looking her in the eye.

“That’s low Ryo. Really low!” She shoved him playfully away as he inched closer to her. She knew what Ryo was talking about. It was her. It was not about him in the first place. It was about her. It had been a few weeks since she’s been hanging out at the roof top trying to avoid Toma and Aoi that she got to know more about Ryo.

“You know that Toma and I are just friends. Nothing can change that. That’s just the way it is. He likes someone… someone I couldn’t match up with.” She sadly told him as she hung her head low, so as not to face him.

“Mao, why can’t you like me instead?” Ryo unexpectedly said which caught her off guard. Dropping his precious cigarette on the floor he swiftly took her in his arms and hugged her tightly as if protecting her from something unseen.

“Ryo…” Everything was so sudden she didn’t know what to say.

“I’ll take care of you.” He whispered softly to her ear.

Then the rooftop door banged open and Toma stood right there looking at Ryo furiously.



Chapter 7 - A few days later

It has been a few days since Aoi last talked to Mao. It was evident that she’s been avoiding her and Toma for an unknown reason. Toma wouldn’t tell her anything that had happened at the roof top and she couldn’t just talk to Ryo about it since they’re not exactly friends. All that was left to talk to was Mao, but she couldn’t get hold of her.

Thinking about this made her head ache as she walked at the school terrace to look at the view down below. The terrace was at the fourth floor of there building and was just located in front of the stairs. As she got to the railings, the fresh breeze that hit her face was relaxing, she could also see students scattered below doing their own business. That’s when she saw a glimpse of Toma walking alone and was heading for the library. She opened her mouth to call him but decided against it. Lately he seemed to be out of it, although they’ve been hanging out a lot together because Mao has been avoiding them, his full attention was still not on her. Sometimes he drifts off in his own thoughts and forgets that she was talking to him. There was nothing she can do about it, she tried several times to talk him to tell her things but it was useless, he wouldn’t budge.

Her heart clenched by the thought of having Toma out of reach. Being with him was always fun because he always seemed to pay attention to her, make her feel special or do things for her even if it was out of the way, but now… things changed. Realizing this, she felt that she did like Toma a lot. Not just as a friend but something more than that. Now that he’s been drifting away farther from her grasp she felt hopeless and alone.

She was observing Toma when her attention got caught by something shuffling from behind. When she turned take a look, Mao was at the top of the stairs surprised to see her standing at the balcony. Half expecting Mao to acknowledge her presence she walked towards her, but Mao turned quickly to the opposite direction.

“Mao, wait!” She called out loud which made Mao stop.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you and Toma but the two of you have been acting weird lately. I don’t know if I did anything wrong. If I did, I need to know what I did exactly. To tell you the truth it’s hard not knowing what to do. Please Mao… I beg you. Tell me what’s wrong.” Her voice was trembling from nervousness due to the fact that she has never confronted a friend in her life, maybe because she never had any real friends in the first place besides Toma and Mao.

Slowly Mao looked at her with a dejected look.

“You know what’s wrong? What’s wrong is that you’ve been nothing but nice. You’ve been nothing but perfect. You have been nothing but the apple of Toma’s eyes as soon as you came into our lives.”

She was so surprised to hear this things coming out of Mao’s mouth. It was so unexpected that she just stood there eyes wide open and silently listening.

“Let’s add to it that because you’re all those things I just mentioned I can’t hate you! I badly, deeply, truly want to hate you but I can’t because you’re special. You’re my friend and I couldn’t possibly hate a friend for being perfect. I’m not in the position to say this, but I’m going to say it anyway. Toma likes you. He likes you ever since you got transferred to this school. He likes you regardless of your status in life. You… you’re name has always been on his mouth since day one. You want to know what’s really wrong with me? Why I have been acting all weird? I’m jealous and it hurts. I’ve realized that I’m jealous because of all the bizarre feelings that I could harbor for my closest friend in the world was to like him. What hurts more is that he likes you.” While she was saying all this, tears were freely flowing from her eyes.

Aoi was shocked by the revelation of Mao’s feelings even more than knowing that Toma liked her, but she got down the stairs by reflex to embrace Mao in her arms. She didn’t know exactly what to do, so she just stood there and waited for Mao to cry all her tears and let her sob on her shoulders.

“I’m sorry Aoi if I sounded pathetic just awhile ago. I’m going to let him know about this so please don’t tell him anything about what I just mentioned. It’s just been hard keeping it from you and him.” Mao sniffed at her as she wiped her tears with her arm.

“Mao, thank you for telling me all this, it just shows that you trust me more than it looks like. I also felt that Toma might have liked me not long ago… but I’m not sure anymore.” She told Mao shaking her head with doubt.

“What do you mean by that?” Mao asked her, but she never got to answer this question because three girls came to the stairs and started calling her.

“Oh… look who’s here… if it isn’t our little Princess Aoi Yu who would it be?” A girl in a short denim skirt said to her friends.

“What are you talking about?” Aoi asked her incredulously.

“She’s talking about this.” said the girl with a braided hair while shoving a business magazine to her face.

“You’re that fatherless princess right? Just like out of the story books. Inheriting millions from your father? Why are you still friends with that snotting tomboy Inoue Mao?” One of the girls whose face is heavily coated with make-up pointed at Mao.

“Watch it cake face if you don’t want to get a bloody nose from me.” Mao lashed at the girl and walked towards them.

That’s when Aoi noticed that Mao was clutching a piece of folded paper in her hand.

“What Inoue? You’re going to hit me? That’s what tomboys do right? Don’t tell me your little princess paid you protect her?” The girl in the denim skirt taunted Mao and sneered at her.

She couldn’t take this anymore that she run upwards to give that girl a smack in the face that she deserved but Mao was ahead of her and already pounced at the girl wearing a denim skirt. The girl wearing heavy make-up with the braided hair girl tried to get Mao off their friend and because of this Mao was over powered. She suddenly lost her balance on top of the stairs.

Everything happened so fast that Aoi’s reaction was too late. Mao fell backwards and tumbled down the stairs hitting the floor head first. Everyone went dead silent and she stood right there horrified by the scene in front of her. Slowly blood was pooling under Mao’s head and was oozing out of her nose. There were shrieks and cries which she didn't know if it was hers or the girls but she quickly ran down the stairs howling in tears and shouting for a doctor while the three girls ran away to call for help.

Amidst all this Aoi was not able to notice that Mao was still clutching the piece of paper in her hand with a name scribbled on it which says, “To: Toma.”



Chapter 8 - To cry and be beside her

Toma came running to the hospital with his mother and Mao’s parents when he saw Aoi rocking back and fort on the hospital chair of the waiting area in front of the Operating Room. Her arms were enclosed on her legs while she rocked on the chair with her face glistening with tears. As soon as she saw Toma she quickly stood up and hugged him.

“There was blood. It was everywhere. It was my fault. I couldn’t catch her. She fell. I just stood. Then the blood…” She babbled on not making sense of the things she’s saying, but one thing was clear, she was blaming herself for the accident.

“Shhh… Aoi, it’s not your fault. We know what happened, everything is going to be ok.” Toma tried to assure himself more than he was assuring Aoi. Then the surgeon walked out of the surgery room clad on a green gown and white mask.

“Who are the girl’s parents?” The doctor asked them.

“How is our daughter doctor? Is she going to be fine?” Mrs. Inoue got near the doctor with hope and tears in her eyes, her husband holding on to her. They all scurried around the doctor to listen to his news.

“Mr. and Mrs. Inoue, your daughter sustained a hemorrhage in her brain. Meaning blood got into her brain and leaked inside the skull where it was not supposed to be. This caused the brain to shift and cause an imbalance. We are trying our best to fix this, but we cannot give you hope that after the surgery she will wake up. She may stay in a coma for the rest of her life even if the surgery is successful.” The doctor announced with remorse while Mrs. Inoue almost fainted and her husband shook his head in disbelief with tears dripping down his face. Toma’s mom covered her face with her hands and started crying as soon as she heard this awful news.

Aoi suddenly grabbed him and cried on his shoulder while he just absently hugged her in his arms. He felt numb inside and out. Everything went blank and it was difficult to breathe. There were no tears coming out of his eyes, his head was processing the words that the doctor just said but it wouldn’t register.

“Can I see her?” He asked the doctor.

“Yes you may if the surgery goes as planned.” The doctor told him and turned to walk back in the operation.

A few hours later Toma’s mother took Aoi back to her home while he stayed with Mao in the intensive care unit with her parents. Feeling empty and cold inside, he sat on a chair near the bed and held Mao’s hand while Mr. Inoue stared blankly at the monitors and Mrs. Inoue straightened her daughter’s blanket while avoiding looking at the numerous tubes attached on Mao’s face. The ventilator’s swishing sound and monitor's steady beep was making the atmosphere in that tiny room bleaker by the minute. A nurse clutching clothes in her arms entered the room.

“I brought Inoue Mao’s things that were found during the accident.” She handed it to Mrs. Inoue along with a bloody piece of paper.

“Toma, I believe this is for you.” Mrs. Inoue handed him the blood covered piece of paper. They also left him in the room for some privacy.

As he slowly opened the folded paper he noticed that although the outer part of the paper was covered with dried blood the inside was as clean as it should be. He started to read the small words that were in Mao’s hand writing.

---

Toma-kun,

First of all I would like to apologize for not talking to you these past few days. I just had to come in terms with myself without you interfering. There are two questions I wanted to ask, the first is: In all this façade I built up, do you see the real me?

The day you saw Ryo hugging me, was the day he confessed that he liked me. Things went out of hand during that time and I’m really sorry for that. You know, that day… I learned to be honest with my self and decided to make this letter for you.

I like you.

You’re the reason why I wake up early in the morning, so that I would be able to walk with you to school. I like making you smile. I like hearing you tell me things even if it’s the nonsensical stuff. I like the way you look at me and comfortably put your arms on my shoulders. I like hearing you laugh even if you snort. I like the way you crinkle your nose when you’re thinking hard on an English exam but still end up copying my paper. This may sound weird, but I most especially like it when you sleep on my shoulder during bus rides. I like to smell your hair and the feel of your cheeks on my shoulder. Sometimes I go stiff, but I hold it in because I like the way my heart flip flops when your skin gets in contact with mine.

There are so many things I could still include here, but it would take up the space. So I’ll keep it simple.

I like you.

I’ve heard you rehearsing this line before… “I know we're just friends but I need us to be more than that…” This is where the second question comes in. If Aoi never existed, or never showed up in our lives what would have the answer been?

By the way I never got together with Ryo, if you’re still thinking about that. I wouldn’t like to look at him and see your face instead. I would rather see you afar with Aoi than be with someone else. With this Toma-kun, I wish you well and let me write this one more time.

I LIKE YOU.

Love,
Inoue Mao

---

When he finally finished the letter he re-read it again and again until his eyes blurred from the tears that was now pooling on his eyes and slowly streaming down his face. In his blurred vision he re-read, “I LIKE YOU.” He was now sobbing as those three words sank into his head. He held Mao’s hand and let his tears drop freely to his own hand. His whole body was shaking from the realization that his closest friend had liked him even before he discovered his own feelings. The thought of her not waking up was eating his insides horribly that all he could do was cry and cry at her side.

When his tears went dry and there was nothing more he could do… he inched closely to Mao’s ears while still holding her hand and whispered softly.

“I see you now…” and he added, “Let’s be more than friends when you wake up.”

~the end~